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Me: It's the most pointless thing ever. Steering toy boats in circles.
Mom: Everything is pointless.
Me: Yeah, but this is even pointless on the surface.

Kelsey's on the grass, Alicia's dark head resting on her knee. Kaj and I are on the swings. I have an especially creaky one, and every time I rush toward the sky it reminds me of its needs...the need for care, for the occasional oiling. Right now, though, I'm not concerned. My own needs are my obsession, and I need more than anything else to swing, just swing.

It's about eight, eight thirty on a friday evening. We've been wandering, have come upon a sandy area with a row of swings and a few see-saws. We've discussed why sandals are called sandals and how Kelsey's father was once given a sugar pill in the army as medecine to help him "when he couldn't go on any longer." Now we're quiet, soaking in the evening. And inside the girl on the swings, the music of a thousand dreams begins to play, a quiet humming from the corner.

Kaj is slowing down now, and when his feet nearly scrape the coarse sand, he jumps off. Yet I, a free bird, I spread my wings and fly away, soaring toward the slowly setting sun.

Faces become a blur. Noises drop away. The only world I can see is the one that lives within, and memories begin to float to the surface of the deep, deep water. With Jenna, in her backyard, urging our faithful steeds toward the clouds. The end of a lonely summer, alone at Strathearn, a distant driver making his way home. Stretching out my arms to Ariel and Kelsey, laughing in the sun. The music swells until I can barely contain it, but I choke the tears down. I cannot trust myself to cry. Not yet.

It's Kaj who calls me back. I have slowed to a halt, sitting on the swing before my friends, my head in my hands.

"Anne," he says, and my eyes begin to focus once more on the sweet green grass and the hard cement of reality. From a little distance away, the sound of the voices of children begins to resonate, six tiny bones inside my head catching the notes of their conversation. I raise my head and see the three in front of me. Kelsey and Alicia are speaking softly to one another, and Kaj is looking in my direction with an expression I cannot quite place. No matter; I'll get it eventually.

"Why are you sitting there all alone? Come over here," he continues.

I do that. Then, for awhile, I stay beside the others, watching the sun go down between the apartment buildings. And the sky is filled with a radiance like a Piccardy third, a radiance that someday I will smile at and say, I remember.

And...there is so much more.