Somewhere, anywhere

Man in ambulance: I only have room for one of you.
Guy #1: I'm the father.
Guy #2: I'm the boyfriend.
Guy #3: I'm the father's boyfriend.

-Saved. Ariel watched all three movies this time.

I've realised how boring it is when I talk about things that I did, so I'll try and keep to the basics. Alicia, Ariel, Kelsey and I met up...I remember it was fun before we went back to Kelsey's, but I don't remember exactly what happened except that Ariel bought me a C-Plus for fifty cents plus tax and I spilt it on my green skirt. Also that Ariel and I spent awhile browsing the dollarama talking about sesame street and old television cartoons ("Don't you think Big Bird seems like a pedophile?")....

The driver of the Chateauguay bus with the weird accent was not a very nice person, which led to the necessity of paying far more than I should have just to get on the stupid bus. However, the professor-type guy who sat in front of us and listened the whole ride made up for that.

Topics of conversation: Kelsey's neighbours, the Sex Pistols, and the pointlessness of our existence...also included in the mix were periods of silence, while we all travelled through our respective worlds.

Ariel said, rather optimistically, "We can really do anything with our lives." We are incredibly lucky to have so many opportunities. On the other hand, the most evident response to that statement is somewhere along the lines of, "What does it matter? We all end up dead and forgotten eventually."

I'm a romanticist. I love to invent hidden meaning and read in between the lines on blank pages. Perhaps I am merely fooling myself, but I feel strongly that there must be some higher purpose. For one thing, to imagine that we are as high as it gets is both demonstrative of the conceited nature of our species and extremely depressing. Yet also I feel that there must be something to separate us from Nothings....

Although everyone is equal on an intrinsic level, for everyone is human and everyone should posess a voice in whatever crowd they belong, some are greater than others. Perhaps this is a sad truth, perhaps it is a necessity...but look around you; there is always someone higher and someone lower in any given field. I will never be the equal of Beethoven as a composer. It is also likely that I will never suffer the way he did.

Is suffering a fair exchange for talent? Do talents actually balance out? For I fear that, as Ariel pointed out, not everyone is good at something. There are some who are far more talented than others in nearly every way. Perhaps the reward for those who work harder to achieve the same tlevel as those born with an ability is the strength that they have gained through effort. What am I saying? That we must be great to be remembered? That life has to be unfair? Or that life actually is fair?

Let me draw upon something else that Ariel and Kelsey were debating. What is the definition of intelligence? Capacity to learn? Perception? If indeed we are more intelligent than any other life form we have encountered, then why are we so damn stupid? Would that make the lunatic the most brilliant of us all?

Regarding knowledge...all say ignorance is bliss, yet we are constantly striving to make out Truth. Shall we ever succeed? We are squinting at a raindrop while behind us lies an ocean, if only we could turn around. If comprehension is a burden, why is it so important to us to have all the answers?

I don't think I would ever make a scientist, for I ask questions without attempting to answer them. I believe in God. I believe that life is meaningful, though I do not know that anything I do could ever be.

Yesterday when Kelsey and Ariel were discussing how they never felt in any way inspired or motivated, I decided to throw a sentence or two in.

"You might see something beautiful, and that could inspire you. The question is, could that beauty ever compensate for the futility of life in general?"

And I really don't know how to answer that melodramatic query. I really don't know at all.

Do the world a favour and send me very far away.